Twilight

I've decided recently that I need to watch more films that i wouldn't normally choose to watch. Twilight is one of them, after all Twilight (based on the book), is aimed squarely at, to use a cliche here, overweight, single women with too many cats. Or soppy teenage girls, of which I am neither.

So for those who don't know, Twilight is a vampire flick, takes some classical vampire notions, mixes them up a bit with a couple of new takes, which in a similar way to Being Human, allows for more EXT. DAY scenes and throws in a generous helping of teen angst and token Scream-esque school friends.

Now I'll be honest here, plot wise, character wise, even acting wise, it's not bad. The secondary characters are more interesting than the main couple, but the combo of Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) is bearable, despite him looking like he's been smacked in the face with a cartoon frying-pan yet everyone thinks he's hot. Go figure.

The story pulls from various sources, there's the classic forbidden love story, and there's the new kid in town story. What is it with vampires and high school outcasts eh? It's not Lost Boys, but at the same time, it's this decade's answer to it.

The script is a tad ropey in places, some clunky dialogue, but that's kind of expected, what let's the film down and I think seriously holds it back, is the APPALLING camera direction by one Catherine Hardwicke, I mean, REALLY BAD, not helped by the editing. Whether the film's editor Nancy Richardson was beaten down on suggesting that maybe less cuts should be used or whether she pushed them through, I don't know, either way, it's crap! For instance, one scene where Bella & Edward are in the woods, she's sussed what he is and building to that point, in less than half a minute, one short piece has at least ten cuts, with different angles, handheld, undercranked steadicam, normal steadicam, swooping crane AAAARRRGGHH!

ONE SHOT, the whole scene could've been done in ONE SHOT and been a hell of a lot better.

Effects, well they're a bit hokey, fine it's a relatively low budget film but hollywood standards, maybe if they'd done less setups on the above scene, they could've squeezed a little more for effects (and maybe re-shooting the soft focus shots.. I mean really, c'mon!)

It's a soppy film, but once you get past the inept camera work, not terrible. Let see if someone can direct the sequels better.

Twilight - 6/10

Franklyn

This is possibly one of the most original and interesting British films to come out in a long time. It does riff on some familiar themes, but it does so in a very refreshing way.

Although by the end of the film I, just about got where it was coming from, I was totally gripped and genuinely intrigued throughout, I sussed the general direction of the film pretty early on, but what kept me interested was just how it was all going to tie up, constantly speculating on the different characters' connections and figuring out who's who.

It's not perfect, but I thoroughly enjoyed it! It also looks wonderful, it's very well shot (a quick butchers at IMDb reveals the DP to be one Ben Davis, who's also on Kick-Ass, cannot wait for that one!!!)

The cast aren't brilliant, Eva Green's voice irritates me, as does her waifness (!?), Sam Riley, while apparently brilliant in Control, was rather wet, Ryan Phillippe was behind a mask most of the time, but does a very good english accent and Bernard Hill, while good, could've done with more development and screen time. Despite this, the plot keeps it going.

So, written and directed by Gerald McMorrow, a promising debut feature, I for one certainly look forwards to more stuff from him and hopefully he won't let us down like a previous certain person...

Franklyn - 8/10

The Fall

I was intrigued in this from the moment I saw the trailer ages ago, partly because it looked visually incredible, partly because the actual story seemed interesting and partly because I hated The Cell.

The film does look amazing, he colours are out of this world, every now and again the framing's just a tad too 'stylised' for my tastes, Tarsem does follow themes here and there, certain stuff he's almost fetishistic about (see: slo-mo horses in desert), visually, everything about the film is an icing coated treat.

Story wise, it's not bad, it's a guy in a hospital telling a story to a little girl. The story reflects the events of the real world and it's pretty dark and emotional, and this is primarily sold by the performances of the little girl and the injured guy interacting with her, which is nothing short of charming and totally engaging.

It's a beautiful tale, not perfect, but a great watch.

The Fall - 8/10

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

It took me a while to come around to the fact that Hellboy is actually pretty good in both the movie, which I saw first, and then the comics. Now I'm a pretty big fan of both.

So I was pretty stoked at the news of a movie sequel, until I saw the trailer that is, then a big wave of 'Meh' washed over me as I watched all the bright golds and heavy Del Toro touch unfold on screen.

The first movie's story was mostly lifted from the comics, not entirely, but a lot of the elements and basic points were from the stories in the comics. AFAIK, this was a completely original story thought up by Guillermo Del Toro, and it shows.

I really liked Pan's Labyrinth, but full on Guillermo, I don't feel works for Hellboy. The comics are more shadowy and minimalist, whereas Guillermo does like his "Fantasy Gold" (expect to see a very Gold hued Hobbit). The whole Golden (there it is again) Army thing was a bit of a let down, a non event really, there was a load of slapstick comedy that felt a touch out of place, don't get me wrong, Hellboy is supposed to be funny, but I think this went too far in the wrong direction and overall it seemed a bit jumpy and rushed plot wise.

Back to the looks, but characters in this case, Hellboy seems to have lost weight, which in certain scenes puts his head out of proportion to his body, Abe's gone VERY blue and stripy, and Johann Krauss, well I wasn't totally disappointed, he was a lot better than I thought, look fine, voice ok (Seth MacFarlane was a bit of a concern when he was announced), attitude, not so much, felt a bit more uptight than he is in the comics, but maybe I need to re-read.

I don't know how it will lead into a sequel, if they're gonna do one, but we'll have to wait and see, if they do make a sequel, hopefully it'll be darker and introduce Roger ;)


Hellboy II: The Golden Army - 6/10

The Monster Squad

Happy birthday to me and cheers to my girlfriend for getting The Monster Squad for me as a present!

I remember watching this some years back (probably around 1987/88 to be fair) and loving it! Although when we watched it recently, there was practically none of it that seemed familiar, which was pretty cool as I was coming in nice and fresh to it. It didn't disappoint!

The film is an unabashed homage to the classic Universal Monsters, although due to licensing they're redesigned for this film, which is a good thing.

The very basic plot revolves around an amulet that can unleash all evil or banish it for another 100 years, thus the monsters, led by Dracula, want it and the small group of outcast misfit Goonie-lite kids (The Monster Squad) are out to stop them.

It's brilliant fun, the Stan Winston workshop creatures are great and the nerds can enjoy spotting all the in-jokes and references (I got a couple), well worth getting, although mine's Region 1, I'm not sure on the Region 2 situ.

The Monster Squad - 8/10

Logan's Run

Logan's Run is an odd film, it's a good ol' 1970's sci-fi, which feels totally of it's time, set in the obligatory dysotopian/utopian future, Logan is a 'Sandman' basically a copper who chases down 'runners'.

'Runners' are those who's life clock has run out (at the grand old age of 30), but don't really feel like getting beamed up and disintegrated. All's going well until circumstances lead Logan into becoming a runner himself.

There's a whole load of stuff that's never really made totally clear, not ambiguous, just not explained properly. Peter Ustinov is brilliant as the 'old man' and Jenny Agutter is HOT!! She alone is a good enough reason to watch this!!

Besides that, it was quite entertaining.

Logan's Run - 6/10

Enchanted

Finally persuaded the girlfriend to watch this with me (how much of that sentence is wrong?), mainly thanks to Blockbuster's current deal on renting family movies for 50p! Bonanza!

The film starts off animated before a series of events transports the characters to the real world, this is where the film takes off, using the 'fish out of water' device, the Disney characters stumble around the real world, occasionally breaking into song (or not as the case my be).

At first I found Giselle to be incredibly INCREDIBLY annoying, thankfully, things were toned down a tad and I made it through!

It's funny, charming and inventive. Even the girlfriend liked it.


Enchanted - 7/10

Stargate: The Ark of Truth

Compared to Continuum, this is just plain pants.

This plays much more like an elongated SG1 episode, rather than a feature, it looks like it too, very "TV" and for the most part...dull.

It's lightened up only by (again) Ben Browder and, the chemistry between him and Amanda Tapping's Lt. Col. Carter.

You also need to know more of the back story, as explained in prior episodes, to fully appreciate the plot in this one. Didn't enjoy it as much as Continuum.

Stargate: The Ark of Truth - 5/10

Stargate: Continuum

I've been getting into the Stargate series recently (SG1 and Atlantis), mainly because there's no Lost, Heroes, Dexter, BSG etc etc (although Generation Kill..CHEERS!) on at the mo, and as such decided to check out the feature length SG1 movies.

First one I watched was this one, the most recent Stargate: Continuum, throwing in a bit of time travel shenanigans, one Baal goes back and buggers up the start of the Earth based Stargate program, fortunately though three of SG1 make it through to the new timeline and after a bit of stuff, proceed to make things right.

The main thing, apart from appearing to actually have slightly higher production values than the series, is that it was actually pretty entertaining! Ben Browder is very entertaining as Col. Mitchell (would like to see him do something new now), Beau Bridges short appearance is nothing short of amazing, and Richard Dean Anderson is old and fat.

It deals with the time travel problems pretty well, and overall gives you a pretty good ride. It's not entirely stand alone, it does sit within the Stargate timeline and universe and as such references previous episodes, which I haven't seen as they're all over the place on Sky, but it's not essential to know this stuff to enjoy it.

Stargate: Continuum - 8/10

Hancock

The ONLY word that was in my head when we came out of the cinema after this was "INTERESTING", I just couldn't decide whether I liked it or not. My girlfriend was the same, neither of us could decide whether we'd actually enjoyed the film or not. Which is weird.

Interesting is a good word for it though. It's interesting what they do with the 'superhero' genre, the down and out Hancock and where they go with his vague 'origin' story, but that's about it, yeah there are some somewhat funny moments, there's no real peril until the end and all in all it's a bit average. Shame.

Hancock - 6/10

10,000 BC

Ug. UgUg. Ug. etc etc. Well not quite, but it's getting there.

10,000 BC from Roland Emmerich, the man who brought you such classics as The Day After Tomorrow, Independence Day and Universal Soldier! It starts REALLY badly, sooo very bad, terrible acting, really ropey CG and I almost considered turning it off, but no, I was strong and I stuck with it.

It does get better, once the real story kicks in and their on their way to rescue their tribe members, but overall it's a less than impressive big-dumb-movie, barely keeping the interest levels up. Enjoy.

10,000 BC - 3/10

Highlander

Let's face it, Highlander is awesome! Have a list of stuff that will go some way to proving that.

1. Christopher Lambert - An American brought up in Switzerland, thus giving him a crazy accent anyway...playing a Scotsman.
2. Sean Connery - A Scotsman with one of the most distinctive voices in the world, making no attempt at an accent as he plays an Egyptian from Spain called Ramirez
3. Clancy Brown - A solid middle American with deep American voice playing an ancient Russian (no accent needed)
4. Sword fighting Immortals
5. Queen soundtrack that dicks on Flash Gordon

Any arguments? No. Thought not.

It's ropey and pretty poorly directed in places, but for sheer nostalgia value, it's solid!

Highlander - 8/10

The Spiderwik Chronicles

Y'know Harry Potter's got a lot to answer for, namely the spate of fantasy filled family films. No not so much LOTR, cos that was that wasn't really for kids.

Spiderwick takes some pretty standard set-ups, broken family, new start in a new place in a new house, etc etc.

Then one of the boys finds a book, then all fantastical hell breaks loose, with goblins, trolls, ogres and stuff.

There's some pretty funny stuff in here and for once Seth Rogan didn't annoy the shit out of me.

It's a little slow in places, and cliche world, but it's entertaining enough.


The Spiderwick Chronicles - 7/10

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter, practically inescapable, much like Big Brother, well until they moved it E4 and as such I've heard bugger all about this series... bad thing?? ;)

Anyway, with the inclusion of this one I'm up to date on all the HP films, and this one's pretty good. A little bit more grown up now, the gang are dealing with a little more grown up things, basically stuff's getting very angsty and HP's getting a filled with anger and frustration and teenage stuff.

Thankfully Ron's there to keep it real and show Mr Radcliffe how to actually progress as an actor and the whole chemistry thing between Ron and Hermione is ticking along just nicely since the last one making for some nice moments.

Saying Rupert Grint appears to have progressed far more than Daniel Radcliffe as the years have gone on, I think is fair comment, but some of the darker stuff DR does is still pretty good, despite the rest of his performance feeling more than a little forced.

The wizardy stuff in this (I mean the fighty bits) is also pretty good, one particular scene is pretty much what Gandalf vs Saruman should have been like, rather than the lame spin me right round bollocks that it was.

I haven't read any of the HP books, I don't really want to, so as regards the HP purists out there...whatever, the films haven't been half bad, bring on the other 2. And considering they're pretty much this generation's BTTF/Indy/Star Wars etc, don't knock em too much ;)

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - 8/10

Lady In The Water

The reviews for this when it came out, sucked.

Partly in fact because of the film critic character and his fate. I've kinda put off watching this because of those reviews, while, The Sixth Sense is a classic and Unbreakable is awesome, Signs was weak, and in my view The Village was a pile of shite.

So, while it looked intriguing, I really wasn't sure. Once again, Sky movies has come to the rescue (Scream's on after and I haven't seen that in ages!!).

Lady In The Water is basically a fairy tale, magical creatures, a heavy moral message, fantasy stuff, all set within an apartment complex. Our lead protagonist is Cleveland Heep, the complex manager/janitor.. supervisor (that's the one), played brilliantly by Paul Giamatti, and I mean BRILLIANTLY!

Bryce Dallas Howard is the Lady from the title, and all manner of other characters inhabit the complex. They're all pretty standard character cliches, but I think it serves it's purpose.

The film is pretty predictable, I could see which were going to be the key characters from the outset (although 1 caught me out, I'll let you worry about which), but it's an entertaining film none the less.

Not a masterpiece and not his best by any means, but well worth a look.

Lady In The Water - 7/10

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

A cocking intermission! The last time I went to the cinema when there was an intermission was when I was a small child, and I went with a friend (Howard fyi) to see a double feature of Disney's The Fox And The Hound and Jungle Book. LORD OF THE RINGS DIDN'T EVEN HAVE AN INTERMISSION IN ANY OF THE THREE (we won't count changing of discs on the SE's).

168 minutes apparently, add to that 25 MINUTES of adverts and trailers, before it starts, 10 minute intermission overall +/- say 2 minutes that's....um...hold on... 205 minutes! 3 hours 25 minutes!!! Went in just before 2, came out around half 5!! for Pirates of the cocking Caribbean!

The 25 minutes of adverts were mostly made up of ones advertising Odeon cinemas and services....I'M IN THE COCKING ODEON YOU DAMN NUTSACKS!

Today is Father's Day, and I had my daughter, she wanted to do something and suggested Pirates 3 at the cinema (she's 9 btw), I though, ok, it'd be nice to have a day out with her (doesn't happen often) and especially on Father's Day. You shouldn't come out of the cinema with pent up aggression, which is essentially what Pirates 3 does to you.

It's toss. It's 3 hours of overloaded, non-descript pirate toss. The whole thing builds up to what what purported to be as the massive action finale, which is large, but by no means massive.

You want CG?? HO HO We got CG, lots of it, plus loads of composited rain and splinters, plus Captain Jack fighting Davy Jones atop one of the masts (not sure on the technical term for the cross bits), at which point I was thinking, it'd look so much better if they did it for real, or at least with wires, but no, you got CGI swashbuckling.

I don't care about any of the characters, Captain Jack is just annoying as everything he does seems pointless, none of the others are really worth giving a shit about (except maybe the monkey), but... my daughter enjoyed it, so she says anyway, there was no "WOW did you see that bit?!?!" or "wasn't that cool!!!???!", I had to actually ask if she enjoyed it or not, to which the response was "Yeah", later there was mention of Captain Jack with his shirt off, I let that go as she's 9 and I don't want to go there!

Flaccid, that's the word that's just sprung to mind for this one. Flaccid.

There's a couple of laughs, some reasonable effects here and there, but overall it just reminded me as to why I never bothered to watch the second one and part way through the battle I was thinking that Master and Commander: On The Far Side Of The World, did a far better job.

Top day with my daughter tho, happy fathers day to me.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - 4/10

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe

I'll get it out of the way now... A poor man's Lord of The Rings. Or rather a small child's Lord of The Rings.

Comparisons are made whether you want them to be or not, the fact is that since LOTR, "fantasy" films are back en vogue and this one is for the kids, and you can tell.

It left me wholly underwhelmed, maybe that's because of the LOTR comparison, but still, it should've at least entertained me. As it was I felt rather indifferent to it.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe - 4/10

Pan's Labyrinth (El Laberinto del Fauno)

Hello Guillermo!

My introduction to Guillermo Del Toro was through Mimic, although at the time I didn't really know who he was, I took more notice after Blade 2, then went on to watch Hellboy, then The Devil's Backbone and now his latest piece Pan's Labyrinth.

Pan's is far more along the lines of Backbone than the others I mentioned, it's a fantastical story of a young girl, Ofelia, who finds out she is a princess from an underground realm, set against the backdrop of the latter days of the Spanish civil war, she must perform a series of tasks to prove that she still has her 'spirit' and can return to her kingdom.

Much like Backbone, it's really told from the child's perspective, and I can't see that it would've worked in any other way. It's dark, violent and emotional and although a little slow in places, yet again an amazing film from one of the modern masters of cinema.

Pan's Labyrinth 9/10

King Arthur

It's all just a bit dull really.

Yup. Just dull, fortunatly I watched this on Sky, so it didn't have to pay £3-£6 to see it, in fact as it's not even my Sky, it didn't cost me anything, which is just as well really, cos this is one DULL film!

You'd think being Jerry Bruckhiemer produced it'd have at least some spectacular set pieces, but the set big action sequences aren't exactly heart-stopping, the bit on the ice is ok, but just ok.

Sod it, I can't even think of anything really notable to write about old Arturious. Don't bother with this one.

King Arthur - 3/10