Valkyrie

I seem to recall this got pretty poor reviews in general when it came out, lack of actual Germans, lack of even attempts at German accents (which could've gone horribly wrong let's be fair), Tom Cruise in an eye patch.

Well, I finally got around to watching it and it's not that bad, it's a tad slow, I don't really care about any of the characters, but it was interesting enough to want to see how things turned out. Without wanting to spoil anything, it's not exactly an upbeat ending.

With all the names in this (Cruise, Branagh, Nighy, Stamp, McNally, Wilkinson etc), no-one really seems to be pushing themselves, in fact, considering the nature of the story; a complex plot to assassinate Hitler and his key staff, it's all a bit sedate.

Valkyrie - 6/10

Kingdom of Heaven

I like Ridley Scott, he's one of my favourite directors, however he's well off his game with this one.

It didn't exactly get a good reception when it came out and i've now seen why, although I picked up the Special Edition for £3, thinking it was the Director's Cut, it's not, so technically I still need to see that as it's supposed to be better, although KoH is long enough as it is, so I'm not sure whether I can be bothered to watch it all over again, but with more!

Funnily enough, I don't buy Orlando Bloom as a hero knight, one minute he's a blacksmith in a muddy village, the next he's an expert military strategist?!?! With great motivational skills?!? No sorry, he's a cock. Eva Green's a waste of space in the movie, which seems to be a trend she's following, Jeremy Irons is always good value, but under used and it seems good ol' Liam Neeson still can't escape Qui-Gon.

I also spent the movie wondering who was playing the kings as he kept sounding like James Woods but a weedy James Woods... it's Edward Norton, so I was close.

The movie is on a massive scale, but isn't really that impressive, it also doesn't make a lot of sense, let's hope Nottingham will be Ridley back on form.


Kingdom of Heaven - 4/10

Outpost

After the disappointment of Unearthed, I wasn't expecting a lot from this (watched them both in the same evening), however, this proved to be an unexpected gem.

It's got Ray Stevenson as the lead, which didn't fill me with confidence, I wasn't really into Rome and the Punisher: War Zone trailer looks God awful. He is in this however, pretty damn good.

The rag tag band of mercenaries, form a more serious Dog Soldiers type vibe, an uneasy camaraderie existing between them, ex-soldiers from various nations (keeping the diversity). Their task to protect their client as he investigates some acquired property.

This property turns out to be an old Nazi bunker, where, funnily enough, crazy Nazi experiments were carried out, and funnily enough, things start to go to shit, basically because of the crazy Nazi stuff.

I almost loved this film, I say almost, because it feels like the filmmakers didn't quite have the courage of their convictions and bring in the action too early. They could've quite easily kept the slow pace and the suspense going for longer with better effect, and the fact that they didn't was a tad disappointing.

Despite that, I heartily recommend watching it!


Outpost - 8/10

Operation Delta Force

A terrible TV movie, all about South Africa and some Ebola related shenanigans, to be honest I found it difficult to stay interested.

It's proper TV Movie stuff too, lots of close ups so you can't see the lack of set, crappy practical locations, masses of action but not the budget to support it.

Thought it might be good fun, but it wasn't really, but thankfully there's a shitload of sequels, and there's a brilliantly odd mix of drama and library footage.

And if you want to see a better Jeff Fahey performance check out Lost season 4 ;)

Operation Delta Force - 2/10

Transformers

MASSIVE FUCKING ROBOTS KICKING THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER AND EVERYTHING ELSE!!!

When Michael Bay was announced as director Transformers fanboys around the world wept into their Optimus Prime pillow cases, I was reasonably indifferent, although some reservations were held, mainly 'cos I saw The Island and am still bitter. (However The Rock rules, despite shredding a Ferrari F355)

Then the main trailers came out and everyone was moist in the pant area.

The Transformers are awesome, simply fucking awesome, the action is awesome, Michael Bay is renowned for his massive action sequences, and the action in this is MASSIVE. Most of the action set pieces have been seen in the trailers, but it makes a hell of a difference being on a big screen (why oh why didn't they release IMAX version!).

The film was surprisingly funny, Shia LaBeouf is REALLY good, that boy is going far (depending on his ability to do full on serious dramatic stuff), Megan Fox will end up in some shite American Pie esque stuff cos she's as vacuous as you'd expect.

The level of comedy was totally unexpected, but it fits. The action scenes are top notch, but as a whole I didn't walk out feeling re-born and like I'd experienced a cinematic reveloution, why?

Two things, 1) It's directed by Michael Bay and 2)The script is mostly bloody awful.

Michael Bay does overblown action and chopper porn, which is ok in itself, but you can't help thinking there's something missing, like soul.
He tries to put in some soul, by using the Transformers and some nauseating dialogue ("Were we so different? They're a young species. They have much to learn. But I've seen goodness in them. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings."), he fails.

This is of course also down to the script and you'd think two writers nurtured somewhat by J.J. Abrams could come up with something a little more meaty. I think they probably could, but fell into the trap of writing for Michael Bay again and also not really knowing where to pitch the film. It's a family film, it's aimed at kids, but they want to make it a bit edgier, I get the impression that Hasbro weren't too keen on that and got them to tone the Autobots back a bit, making them much more like they were in the original series/film, which they are, crappy dialogue, overly righteous and worthy. Can we not have a little bit of inner conflict??

I don't have a problem with the new designs for them, I think they're better in fact, mainly as I'm not a Transformers fanboy. Bumblebee is amazing (until the post climax), Prime is a wuss, like a proper bullied at work wuss and someone tell me the point in Jazz?? (who in exception to my previous statement probably would've looked better as a Porsche)

The film also suffers from King-Kong-itis to a degree at least. The best bits of Kong were the bits (funnily enough) with Kong in, all the rest was toss. In much the same way I went to see a Transformers movie, so if you're gonna make it 144 minutes long (that's over 2 hours people), that best be 144 mins of giant robots kicking the crap out of each other and everything around them. It's not, and while some of the Witwicky stuff is funny, there's a whole load of other crap that is dull, excessive and not massive robots! Basically cut out all the rubbish where they're 'cracking the signal' and stuff and you'll have a much better film.

Most people have complained about the lack of plot. Um. You do know what this film is about don't you? Yes, toys that are supposed to be massive transforming robot beings from space, how much plot do you want?

The plot is of no consequence, but some substance would have been nice, there's plot holes and loose ends and like other Yank films at the moment, too political, but at the end of the day all you need to do is look at the first line of this post, that's why I'll go again on Wednesday to see it with my girlfriend (thanks Orange Wednesdays) and why I'll get the DVD.

Transformers - 7/10

The General's Daughter

Watched this on telly the other night, I've seen it a couple of times before, but never all the way through, so this was a first for me ;)

So.. what we got here (cue G'n'R fans) is John Travolta playing a US army criminal investigator (stick with me now!), a young woman's body is found on the base, naked, apparently raped, and tied spread-eagle in the mud. This young woman turns out to be the afformentioned General's daughter.

Cue investigation by John T and his estraged girlfriend/wife person played by Madeline Stowe (who convieniently is a rape investigator) (just noticed the tagline on IMDb... "Go Behind The Lies".. brilliant!)

What follows is a pretty much run of the mill crime investigation flick, nothing special, throws in a couple of token taboos every now and again, and ends up a bit too worthy and not entirely wrapping things up for itself.

What keeps you going (although clearly it took me several watches to get here) is Mr Travolta and his dry wise-cracking persona, that makes him likeable enough to make you want to see where he's going next. Bear in mind this was on five so it had ad breaks..that probably helped.

It's an entertaining enough film, definitly one for an evening's TV when you don't want to watch Big Brother or some other crappy reality show about nothing of that much consequence and you can't be arsed to pick out a DVD or go to the video shop.

The General's Daughter - 6/10

Too Late The Hero

Just watched this one, from a FREE DVD with The Mail on Sunday.

For a free film, it's pretty good. Directed by Robert Aldrich who also made The Dirty Dozen, it follows a similar kind of idea, rag-tag-reject group of soldiers, this time British + an American officer, also rag-tag-reject, sent out on a pretty much suicide mission.

Michael Caine delivers a good performance as the squad's medic, although the film itself, while good, isn't great, watchable, a typical Sunday afternoon BBC2 movie.

Too Late The Hero - 6/10

Pan's Labyrinth (El Laberinto del Fauno)

Hello Guillermo!

My introduction to Guillermo Del Toro was through Mimic, although at the time I didn't really know who he was, I took more notice after Blade 2, then went on to watch Hellboy, then The Devil's Backbone and now his latest piece Pan's Labyrinth.

Pan's is far more along the lines of Backbone than the others I mentioned, it's a fantastical story of a young girl, Ofelia, who finds out she is a princess from an underground realm, set against the backdrop of the latter days of the Spanish civil war, she must perform a series of tasks to prove that she still has her 'spirit' and can return to her kingdom.

Much like Backbone, it's really told from the child's perspective, and I can't see that it would've worked in any other way. It's dark, violent and emotional and although a little slow in places, yet again an amazing film from one of the modern masters of cinema.

Pan's Labyrinth 9/10

King Arthur

It's all just a bit dull really.

Yup. Just dull, fortunatly I watched this on Sky, so it didn't have to pay £3-£6 to see it, in fact as it's not even my Sky, it didn't cost me anything, which is just as well really, cos this is one DULL film!

You'd think being Jerry Bruckhiemer produced it'd have at least some spectacular set pieces, but the set big action sequences aren't exactly heart-stopping, the bit on the ice is ok, but just ok.

Sod it, I can't even think of anything really notable to write about old Arturious. Don't bother with this one.

King Arthur - 3/10

Brotherhood (taegukgi)

Completely bloody amazing!

It's full Korean title; Taegukgi hwinalrimyeo, this film by Je-gyu Kang is simply one of the best war movies I've ever seen.

Immediatly comparable to Spielberg's Saving Private Ryan, there are similar visual stylings, most noticable in the battle scenes, where the use of desaturated colours and a low shutter angle give it the vivid, jarring effect "popularised" by Private Ryan.

The story, set in the Korean war during the 50's, follows two brothers when they get drafted and the elder brother's personal quest to earn a way out for his younger sibling.

To this effect, the film focusses on the personal aspects more than the war itself, the acting by both Dong-Kun Jang (who looks remarkably like Chow Yun Fat) and Bin Won is superb throughout, in fact I don't think I can fault any of the performances! I'm a huge fan of Asian cinema, and have been getting more and more into it in recent years, I heartily reccommend this film to pretty much anyone, although, some are more open to subtitled films than others ;)

Korea seems to be churning out some of the best films out there, far far better than Hollywood, (look out for reviews of Chan-Wook Park's revenge trilogy), next up is Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter...and Spring by Ki-Duk Kim, although I've been told by two people now "you have to be in the right frame of mind", looking forward to it!

Brotherhood (2004) - 10/10 WATCH IT NOW!!!