Sunday, March 30, 2008

The Covenant

Apart from a few nice lines and tricks, it's basically rubbish, Lost Boys meets The Craft, meets a steaming pile of witchypoo.

It's directed by Renny Harlin, I'd recommend Deep Blue Sea over this one.

The Covenant - 3/10

The Mist

Another one that was better than expected, not brilliant, kinda predictable and unfortunately it seems about half of the Dean Koontz books I've been reading recently have followed a similar theme, so I'm slightly bored with it, maybe Dean and Stephen hung out for a bit??

This is also the first film I've seen Thomas Jane in since The Punisher, there's probably a reason for that.

I don't know how this compares to King's story, but it's pretty well contained, despite having a number of people, it stays pretty small and close, playing on paranoia and hysteria to reasonable effect, overall it's slow though, plodding and the ultimate pay off wasn't as emotional as I think it should've been.

The Mist - 6/10

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Resident Evil: Extinction

The third in the series of films, adapted from the Capcom game. The first was entertaining enough, the second was a bit shit, and this one is probably up to the standard of the first one again (not exactly a high bar).

3's basically Resident Evil + Mad Max 2 + Day of the Dead and not much else. So what has it got going for it?...

1. Milla Jovovich!!!!
2. Directed by Russell Mulcahy (not great true, but he did direct Highlander!!)
3. Milla Jovovich kicking ass!!!!
4. A fair bit of gore

What I'd really like to see is Milla leading in a GOOD film!

Resident Evil: Extinction - 5/10

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


As far as game adaps go, this isn't actually that bad. Of course they could've made more of it, but there's some signs of promise there.

Timothy Olyphant is pretty good as Agent 47, everybody else is pretty much inconsequential and as far as plot goes, well.. it's as to be expected.

At the end of the day it's better than both Doom and Silent Hill put together!

Hitman - 6/10

The Messengers

Another film to demonstrate how originality in the horror genre is in short supply.

Family forced to move - check
Dysfuntional? - check
creepy new house - check

Didn't I watch this film the other day??

Basically The Messengers was pretty dull, there's a couple of goosebump inducing moments, but no real scares and the whole thing doesn't really make a huge amount of sense.

The Messengers - 5/10

Friday, March 21, 2008

Fantastic Four

I previously posted about the sequel to this, so now, a tad back to front, a short piece on the 2005, Tim Story directed re-boot (is it?) of Marvel's Fantastic Four!!!!!

Now Batman Begins this ain't!! But then it's a shitload better than Man-Thing and overall reasonably entertaining. I'm not a huge fan of F4, I'm more of a Batman, Spiderman and Hellboy person myself, but as films go, it's ok.

It's a bog standard origin story, they all go to space, soak up some rads and come back a bit peaky.

The best thing about this film is Michael Chiklis as Ben "The Thing" Grimm, the worst thing is Jessica "Why in God's name do I keep topping FHM lists" Alba.

Also welcome Chris Evans, then go watch him in Sunshine.

Fantastic Four - 7/10

The Spiderwik Chronicles

Y'know Harry Potter's got a lot to answer for, namely the spate of fantasy filled family films. No not so much LOTR, cos that was that wasn't really for kids.

Spiderwick takes some pretty standard set-ups, broken family, new start in a new place in a new house, etc etc.

Then one of the boys finds a book, then all fantastical hell breaks loose, with goblins, trolls, ogres and stuff.

There's some pretty funny stuff in here and for once Seth Rogan didn't annoy the shit out of me.

It's a little slow in places, and cliche world, but it's entertaining enough.

The Spiderwick Chronicles - 7/10

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Amelie (Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain)

It doesn't matter how many time I see this film, it will never be anything less than awesome.

One of several examples of why Jean-Pierre Jeunet is one of my favourite directors, Amelie is a heartwarming take of imagination and romance. It helps that the adorable Audry Tatou is in the lead role too!

I love pretty much everything about this film, the story, the characters, direction, cinematography, it's simply brilliant. You need spirits lifting, watch Amelie.

Amelie (Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain) - 10/10

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Flight of the Navigator

They don't make 'em like this anymore. No really they don't!

The sort of kids adventure film that typified the 80's and my childhood, young kid, bit dissallusioned, spaceship (etc) adventure, all's good in the world.

The film's all about family, possibly not the best example, but at the same time, a great classic 80's movie, with possibly Alan Silvestri's worst ever score!

You are... the navigator!

Flight of the Navigator - 7/10

Black Sheep

New Zealand does chuck out some crackers. Black Sheep is very much in the same vein as early Peter Jackson, silly, gory comedy horror and it's brilliant fun.

It's a tad slow in the middle and to be honest a little anti-climactic, but overall it's an entertaining romp, silly humour and a good way to spend an evening in front of the telly.

Well worth watching and I'll certainly be purchasing of a copy.

Black Sheep - 7/10

Saturday, March 15, 2008

AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem

Has it really come to this?? Why do studio's STILL not understand or simply not care about making a good franchise film? Something as high profile as the Alien & Predator films and they give it to a couple of FX guys.

Ridely Scott
James Cameron
David Fincher
Jean-Pierre Jeunet
John McTiernen


Stephen Hopkins (I like P2 btw)
Paul W.S. Anderson (lame attempt but better than this)
The Brothers Strauss (fucknuts)

There are a couple of good ideas in AVPR, tracking stuff and beacons of sorts, but overall the film is shite, just plain shite, it's soooo dark in places, there's clearly cock all budget for actors or everyone else who looked at the script said "You've gotta be kidding right?"

It seem like they've tried to 'homage' all the other films, they fail in this but succeed in ripping them off.

The main character is called "Dallas" for fuck's sake, there's lines from the other films, there's an armoured car escape sequence, there's other bits, but my head hurts.

It's over the top, badly choreographed and the predailien is rubbish.

AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem
- 3/10

Sunday, March 09, 2008


"From the director of The Exorcist" blah blah. Bug is kinda marketed as a horror, it's not. It says "Thriller" on the back, not really.

"Comedy" that would be more apt. It's quite an interesting concept, all about paranoia and stuff and the acting gets pretty full on crazy, but in the end it's laughable. The 'quotes' on the case exclaim how "gripping", "tense" and "claustrophobic" it is, rather than how "stupid", "laugh out loud funny" and "best comedy of the hear so far" it actually is.

Well maybe not "best" as at the end of the day, it's a shit film. And not Shit Good either.

Bug - 3/10