Mr. & Mrs. Smith

A breath of fresh air, blowing away the musty stench of Knocked Up, the Smiths breeze in and kick ass in this slightly slow in places, but ultimately entertaining romp. (shit word, but apt)

The chemistry between our two protagonists clearly shows why they ended up getting together of screen, Vince Vaughn is not completely irritating, and one scene is pretty funny, some of the stunts are awesome (see: car chase) and all in all it's a bloody entertaining film.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith - 7/10 (almost 8)

Knocked Up

• YAWN!
• BOOOOOORRRRRRIIIINNNNGGG!!!
• Can someone PLEASE tell Seth Rogan to STFU!!
• Annoying snorty laugh
• Just not funny
• Far too long
• boring 'dramatic' scenes
• who gives a shit about any of the characters in this abortion of a film (topical pun)
• make it stop!

Wanna know why it got 3/10?? Jonah's line about pube shaving, but I'd suggest just go through the Memorable Quotes on imdb rather than watch this shit awful film.

Changed my mind...

Knocked Up - 2/10

1408

1408, yet another film based on a Steven King story, starts off pretty well, a little slow, but pretty low key, introduces Mike Enslin (John Cusack), our main character, well. Mike's a writer (really Steve? Wouldn't have expected that!!), one that's not doing too hot, events have turned him from "serious" writer to a guy who writes books about various haunted places, in this instance hotels.

And so leads us to room 1408 at the Dolphin hotel in New York and Mike, ever the skeptic, settles in for the night, despite the warnings from the motherfucking hotel manager, played by Sam L Jackson (see what I did there?!).

Still, going ok, a little slow, but we're getting to the meat now, shit starts going down and Mike begins to wig out.

Now it starts to flounder.

Mike seems to lose it a little too quickly, one minute he's just starting to get rattled, the next he's a gibbering wreck, but so far the 'scares' are still pretty low key, the whole thing is taking place in the hotel room and starting to give a nice sense of claustrophobia and creepyness. ("Hotels are a naturally creepy place")

Then the set pieces kick in and it all goes overboard, jumps about and by the end of the film I was left disappointed. 1408 is a film that pretends to know what makes an interesting horror film then descends into overacting and The Haunting territory, shite. And as for 'scares', well there's one near the end as the decent build up doesn't last long enough.

1408 - 5/10

The Departed

Marty finally one his Oscar for this his 42nd directed work and an adaptation from a Hong Kong masterpiece.

The Departed, is an absolute mess, it really only makes any vague sense to me because I've got all three Infernal Affairs films on DVD (and they're hard to follow!). The editing is all over the place, some scenes feel like they've been cut short and left with lines missing that would take them to their natural conclusion, other parts just plain suck.

The performances however are astounding, on all parts.. well except possibly Martin Sheen, but then his character's not as developed as it could be, and to be fair, the performances are the only thing that kept me watching.

The story, whilst still quite complex, has lost some of the subtleties and well... good aspects of it's Hong Kong predecessor, and has been made more of a traditional thriller... maybe cos we're all dumb? :/

Best Picture this ain't, several outstanding acting turns though.

The Departed - 6/10

Scream

Ahhh Wes Craven, one of the godfathers of horror, bringining us such 'classics' as Last House on The Left, A Nightmare On Elm Street and The Hills Have Eyes.

Ahhh Kevin Williamson, bringing us such classics as Dawson's Creek...um...

I'm not really a huge fan of Wes Craven, Elm St is ok but generally laughable, I preferred the remake of The Hills Have Eyes (ok flame me) and I think I'm just a few years too late to really enjoy his work.

Scream however is pretty much a masterpiece.

The opening sequence is AWESOME, in fact it is truly one of those sequences that you forget how good it is. The whole premise of the film is pretty solid, Kevin Williamson, must've just looked at all the horror stuff that had been released, realised how formulaic it had all become and then a light bulb lit up above his head.

Scream successfully plays both to and against the 'horror formula' in beautiful fashion and the ultimate twist was pretty damn good.

Scream 2 was ok, Scream 3 was a pile of steaming shite.

Scream - 9/10

Lady In The Water

The reviews for this when it came out, sucked.

Partly in fact because of the film critic character and his fate. I've kinda put off watching this because of those reviews, while, The Sixth Sense is a classic and Unbreakable is awesome, Signs was weak, and in my view The Village was a pile of shite.

So, while it looked intriguing, I really wasn't sure. Once again, Sky movies has come to the rescue (Scream's on after and I haven't seen that in ages!!).

Lady In The Water is basically a fairy tale, magical creatures, a heavy moral message, fantasy stuff, all set within an apartment complex. Our lead protagonist is Cleveland Heep, the complex manager/janitor.. supervisor (that's the one), played brilliantly by Paul Giamatti, and I mean BRILLIANTLY!

Bryce Dallas Howard is the Lady from the title, and all manner of other characters inhabit the complex. They're all pretty standard character cliches, but I think it serves it's purpose.

The film is pretty predictable, I could see which were going to be the key characters from the outset (although 1 caught me out, I'll let you worry about which), but it's an entertaining film none the less.

Not a masterpiece and not his best by any means, but well worth a look.

Lady In The Water - 7/10

xXx: The Next Level

Or xXx: State of the Union (etc etc), what is it with these films with all the different titles??? What's the reasoning, is there some small British arthouse film called xXx: State of the Union? I doubt that somehow.

Anyway... xXx2, no Vin Diesel, welcome on board Ice Cube, still got Sam Jackson, still got the lame 'Q' character.

Lots of explosions, lots of 'Boyz in da hood' type stuff contrasting the stuffy 'white suits'... ahhh stereotypes..

There's not a lot going on really, corrupt politicians, navy seals, Ice Cube, it's almost terrible but not quite, but it probably would have been better with Vin Diesel (and a better script).

xXx: who gives a shit - 4/10

Die Hard 4.0 (Live Free or Die Hard)

Die Hard is a classic, it re-defined the action genre at the time, it also redefined the action hero with Bruce Willis' John McClane bucking the trend of the invincible muscle men and introducing a certain humanity and fallibility to the action hero. (I hope fallibility is right)

Now a few sequels and many years down the line we have Die Hard 4.0 (which I think is the better of the two titles), more terrorism and more 'wrong place wrong time' (reasonably well referenced) and a new sidekick in the shape of Justin Long.

This time Timothy Olyphant is bringing America to it's knees by hacking all the major computer systems and getting rid of any loose ends along the way... this is where Bruce and Justin come in.

To try and keep the "Everyman" aspect the makers bring in McClane's daughter Lucy (the apparently hot new young thing Mary Elizabeth Winstead), which is actually quite a nice touch, but I think they go overboard with the exposition about "John the reluctant hero", which crops up in most of the Bruce-Justin scenes.

The film's a tad too long, Len Wiseman's directing (and subsequent editing) is at times erratic and unsure (how many angles to we need for one conversation???), but the action and stunts in this are blistering! Causing both myself and my girlfriend to exclaim when various henchmen get suitably and painfully wasted, and certain sequences left me dumbfounded from a technical POV...

...such as the ones with one particular henchman, the token free-runner.

After The Matrix, it was all about Bullet Time, now after District 13 and Casino Royale it's all about Parkour (Free-Running), and DH4.0 has some of the best I've seen, showcasing it with some of the best camera choreography I've seen as well. Watch it if just for these pieces!

So! Overall, bloody entertaining, not quite on the same level as the first (or 3rd) but not bad at all. Things may be starting to look up for Len?? (*may*)


Die Hard 4.0 - 7/10

Vacancy

Earlier this year (and I think at the end of last year) cam a whole load of horror films. Spurred on by Saw and Hostel, everyone started churning out gratuitously violent and gory 'horrors', Vacancy stands out as being one that came out around that time, but tries a little harder.

Luke Wilson (can't shake the comedy) and Kate Beckinsale (very annoying) area troubled couple on their way to..somewhere (can't remember) and in age old movie tradition, David (Luke) has taken a "short cut".

So now they're driving out in the middle of nowhere, they have some car trouble and the rest of the film you've seen before.

10/10 for effort, with all the 'Torture Porn' that's been released recently, at least Vacancy makes a stab at being a half decent horror, the problem is, it's Horror by numbers.

1. Cranky protagonists
2. Isolation
3. Dodgy petrol/gas station & motel
4. Quirky and suspicious gas station/motel owners
etc etc

It's just too predicatable, one bit I had to really hold myself back from shouting out what was gonna happen next (only because my girlfriend clearly didn't see it coming!), Beckinsale is pretty damn irritating, more so when she's not supposed to be and the audience is supposed to warm to her (come back Underworld all is forgiven) but Luke injects some well needed light relief with their troubled-couple banter.

Vacancy does forgo some of the horror identikit, however it probably could've benefited from one particular zombie film's key moment.

Also the direction/editing could do with a bit of work in places, think Wolf Creek/28 Days Later "Look they're alone" crimes and lingering a little too long when we really could move on cos WE'VE GOT THE POINT NOW! an abrupt ending doesn't help it either. Chances are this is better than a lot of what came out at the time though.


Vacancy - 5/10

Zodiac

It's been bloody ages since I've had the chance to sit down and watch a film, like properly watch one, rather than just catching a bit of one on Zone Horror or something ;)

Anyways, Zodiac, the latest offering from one of my favourite directors David Fincher.

It's a long old film, clocking in at around a week and 3.5 days, it meanders along at a steady and meaningful pace. Beautifully so.

Despite it's length there's so many things about Zodiac that i just love, and those things keep me wanting more from Fincher.

Unfortunately it's rather late and I'm pretty tired, so I'll probably come back and edit this one, but I just wanted to get something posted since I've been so busy of late.

Set aside an evening and hire out Zodiac, that's all I can say right now. That and Mark Ruffalo practically IS Vincent D'Onofrio!

[edit]

Ok back for a little more...

Zodiac is NOT a serial killer movie, it's a story about obsession, it shows the ensemble protagonists becoming more and more embroiled and obsessed with the Zodiac and the killings, each one searching for the answer(s), each to the detriment of their own lives.

It's a brilliant film, possibly one that you have to be in the mood for, not in a Visitor Q way, but more being prepared to go the long haul.

Zodiac - 9/10

Minority Report

Another re-watch. Probably one of the better Philip K. Dick adaps that's been done and one of Cruise's better films.

Dealing with the Department of Pre-Crime, which is based around 3 pre-cogs who predict murders, the system is supposedly perfect (yeah right!)

So, clearly things go awry and The Teeth is caught in the middle of it and has to sort things out, not much else to say, Colin Farrell is quite good, in fact overall it's just a good, easy going sci-fi thriller.

Minority Report - 8/10

Snakes On A Plane

It's terrible, really really bad, but there are some funny bits.

I think everybody knows by now that it's about Sam Jackson having enough of these muthafuckin snakes on this muthafuckin plane, and pretty soon after it came out everybody had enough of the hype and realised it was shite.

The pilot is funny, one bit made me jump, some of the bites are pretty gruesome.

Personally I recommend Eight Legged Freaks.

Snakes On A Plane - 5/10

Unleashed

An uninspiring advertising campaign and the teaming of  Jet Li and Bob Hoskins encouraged me to avoid this one for quite some time, however...

Just watched it on Sky and it's actually not bad. I mean I'm not really a Jet Li fan, I'm more of a Jackie Chan guy and more recently Tony Jaa (who kicks fucking ass), but the fact that the opening credits told me that it's written by Luc Besson was a surprise and intrigued me.

Well... it's pretty good, Li plays essentially a simpleton, who's only purpose in life is to beat the shit out of people for Bob Hoskins (imagine!), it's called "Danny The Dog" in other territories so you get the idea, anyway there's the usual, awakenings and stuff to give it some sort of purpose higher than that of a JCVD movie, and Besson's writing has a bit of a 5th element feel towards the climax, and was and enjoyable watch. Oh an Morgan Freeman plays a blind guy, need I say more?

Unleashed - 7/10

Sunshine

Danny Boyle's a bit hit and miss as far as I'm concerned;

Shallow Grave - Hit

Trainspotting - Hit

A Life Less Ordinary - Surface damage

The Beach - Miss apparently

28 Days Later - Miss

Millions - Um...

and now Sunshine...

It's basically Alien, but of all the films that have tried to emulate Alien over the years this is probably the best I've seen so far.

It's 2057 and there's a problem with the sun, some sort of quantum thing has buggered it and it's not chucking out as much energy, thus the Earth is stuck in a "Solar Winter" (as opposed to...), so the Icarus 2 is sent to the sun with a crew of 8 and a fission bomb with the mass of Manhattan to restart the Sun. (So we've got a little bit of The Core in there too) and Icarus you'll remember from Greek mythology died because he got too close to the sun.

It's an ensemble piece, and although billed alphabetically I think everyone knows Cillian Murphy is the lead, he plays Capa the ship's physicist, the guy in charge of the bomb. Other crew members include Mace the engineer, played by Chris Evans, which I think was surprising to pretty much everyone and to be fair, he's very good in it, the rest of the multi-national/racial crew (none of this cold war or US only stuff!) are very well played.

En route to the Sun they come across the distress signal (Alien) of the Icarus 1 that disappeared seven years ago (Event Horizon), now they must weigh up the choice between continuing on their current mission or investigating the Icarus 1...cue everything going wrong.

Sunshine clearly doesn't do anything overly original, in all the press stuff I saw for it one of Danny's main points was that nobody's been to the Sun before, yes and no if I may point out Star Trek IV: They Voyage Home and it's inspiring TOS episode, they didn't land on it no, but it's close enough, however what it does do, it does pretty well, there's tension, good character conflict, and it's pretty realistic from a technical point of view (they had to take some dramatic liberties such as artificial gravity for instance). It's a bit slow in it's mid section at times, but overall it's a good film.

Ridley Scott recently stated (for the Blade Runner re-re-re-re-re-release I think) that Sci-Fi is dead, nobody can do anything original with sci-fi. And without getting into a big rant about the overall originality of cinema, he's right to a degree, but what Sunshine does is take proven sci-fi elements and works them, well.

Sunshine - 8/10

Inside I'm Dancing

A comedy drama about two disabled guys, first thought could be funny for the wrong reasons, then you watch it and, yet again a British film surprises everyone in being actually quite good, touching, funny, both James McAvoy and Steven Robertson are brilliant and although it's not entirely the sort of film I'd watch on a regular basis it's still a good watch.

Why is it that most really good British films are the ones that the average audience won't actually pick up to watch??

Inside I'm Dancing - 8/10

The Mullet Uncut

Um....

Um....

Um....

It's not on IMDb, go watch something on YouTube instead

The Mullet Uncut - 0/10

Blades of Glory

Unfortunatly I've seen Stranger Than Fiction, so until Will Ferrell does something along those lines again, nothing will be as good.

Blades is the sort of comedy you'd expect from a Will Ferrell film, along similar lines to Anchorman and presumably Talladega Nights (haven't seen that yet), cocky arrogant Ferrell finds new humility etc.

In this he's paired with Napoleon Dynamite, sorry Jon Heder (does he play anyone else?) as two rival figure skaters who are banned from the sport only to find a way back in by forming a pairs team. Cue homo erotic jokes and.. well thats' pretty much it. There's some love interest between Heder and Jenna Fischer's character, sister of the scheming Van Waldenbergs, there's the usual amount of comedy commentary from the sports commentators, and general slapstick.

It's not great, but that said, there are some pretty funny moments.


Blades of Glory - 6/10

Hellboy Animated: Blood & Iron

Apparently this is the second full length Hellboy Animated, the first being Sword of Storms, that I have yet to see and apparently isn't as good, but I'll find out at some point.

The animated version of big red uses the voices of most of the same actors from the movie, notably Ron Pearlman and Selma Blair, the actual animation doesn't have quite the same atmosphere as the comics, but does a pretty good job, bear in mind a lot of what's in the comics is just black.

We have a mix of a non-traditional vampire story, mixed with some good old fashioned god bashing and a Memento style flashback sequence showing the background to the vampire story and Professor Broom's first adventure.

Basically it works really well, the pace lacks occasionally but overall, it's Hellboy through and through, perfectly capturing the spirit of the comics and as in the live action (which took me a couple of viewings to come around to) Ron Pearlman IS Hellboy.

Hellboy Animated: Blood & Iron - 8/10

Flushed Away

While Flushed Away didn't receive a lot of acclaim when it was released and many felt that the CGI characters don't capture the same sort of atmosphere or charm as their claymation counterparts, it's still a very entertaining and humorous film.

It follows Roddy, a pet rat, who gets flushed down a toilet and ends up in the sewer, discovers some new friends and blah blah blah etc. The usual stuff.

The real stars of the show are the many slugs that loiter around, Le Frog and is Hench Frogs and Whitey. The main characters are fine enough but at the end of the day the background stuff is far more entertaining.

Flushed Away - 8/10

The Evil Dead

It's about time I got around to typing up something on this (and the other two, which will come).

The Evil Dead trilogy is an all time classic, it's up there with The Godfather Trilogy, The original Star Wars, it's iconic, and not even a proper trilogy.

This one's the original, the actual horror film, one of the original "Video Nasties" and still damn scary. It's very rare that one of these older horrors actually scares me but Evil Dead does, it's one nasty, horrible, grotesque film that really hits the spot, until the plasticine comes in that is, then it kinda loses it's edge.

There's none of the slapstick humour of the subsequent two (although there's a couple of points where Bruce almost goes three stooges), it's made as a pure horror film and it does it's job.

Ash is also a different character in this one, not so kick ass, it's good to watch even if just to compare to '2 and oh how they'll ruin the heritage with the new remake.


The Evil Dead - 9/10