The Bank Job

I like Jason Statham, to the extent that my girlfriend thinks there's some sort of "man-crush" in there somewhere, well possibly. I think that, in a similar way to Dwayne Johnson, he can actually act, but unfortunately he hasn't been given a good enough script or director yet, yet a film I'm quite looking forward to is Transporter 3, not so much Death Race, cos that's a Paul WS Anderson, so chances are it won't be that good. Anyway I digress...The Bank Job...

It's not bad, the reviews I heard were pretty mediocre, and to be fair, it's not the best film in the world and is not without fault (there's a fair few), but as far as britflicks go, I thought it was pretty entertaining.

Statham gives hints of a deeper than usual performance, but ultimately does the job with the usual JS thang. Saffron Burrows is just plain annoying, but you can kinda let that go. Plot wise, it's a little messy, with bits all over the place and maybe tried to be a bit too complicated for it's own good and how close it sticks to the "based on a true story" side of things is anyone's guess.

Anyway, another one that's worth a watch.

The Bank Job - 7/10

30 Days of Night

I have to be honest, this was a bit of a let down. I love the comic and the film just didn't seem to have the impact it should've done.

My main issue was how they represented the main characters differently from the comic, it changes the dynamic and, in my view, not in a good way.

Apart from that it's a slow slow film, ok, it's set over 30 days, but it just doesn't have the tension it should do, and as such the interest levels drop lower and lower over the course of the film.

And yeah I agree with the comments on IMDb, too much velociraptor style screeching.

30 Days of Night - 5/10

The Condemned

When you see the WWE logo pop up at the start of the picture it can't be a good sign, and to be fair this ain't the best film in the world, however, it's okay.

Someone on IMDb for their user comment, put "A Great Movie, Average Remake", WRONG!!, what it should be is "An average movie, NOT a remake", this isn't a remake of Battle Royale, it's a similar concept yes, a load of people on an island who have to kill each other, however the political subtext of Battle Royale isn't there, in it's place a rather ham fisted attempt at a message, one which somewhat contradicts most of WWE's output.

So, the film's so so, Steve Austin's no Dwayne Johnson, but he's not terrible either. Vinnie Jones is pretty much awesome in this as a deranged ex-SAS soldier on the rampage, playing it proper brit suits him, and to be fair more should've been made of him. (whoever thought that would be said?!)

The Condemned - 6/10

Rawhead Rex

Good God this is bad, and to think Clive Barker wrote it, you'd think he'd be able to come up with something a tad better than a man in a toothy monkey suit!!

And the title!?! Really?! Rawhead Rex?! As if ANYONE will take you seriously now!

Rawhead Rex - 2/10

Walking Tall (2004)

I've got a lot of time for Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, I think he's extremely charismatic and can actually act!

I'm not sure how far he could be stretched on the acting front, but with the stuff he's done so far (I *still* need to see Be Cool and Southland Tales), he's been pretty good. He's a solid action hero, that has absolutely no problem with a helping of self deprecation, all of which makes for an entertaining watch. Give him a good script and a good director and see what happens.

As for Walking Tall, based on a 1973 film and real events, we have Chris Vaughn returning home after 8 year's army service, to find his home town ain't what it used to be. He gets pissed off, beat up and sets out to put things straight.

This is another film that I've been waiting ages to see, and well, it wasn't as good as I was hoping for. It's a tad slow and choppy, Johnny Knoxville was pretty lame, and the script wasn't the best, thank the lord The Rock was in it tho, that made it watchable.

Walking Tall (2004) - 7/10

The Covenant

Apart from a few nice lines and tricks, it's basically rubbish, Lost Boys meets The Craft, meets a steaming pile of witchypoo.

It's directed by Renny Harlin, I'd recommend Deep Blue Sea over this one.


The Covenant - 3/10

The Mist

Another one that was better than expected, not brilliant, kinda predictable and unfortunately it seems about half of the Dean Koontz books I've been reading recently have followed a similar theme, so I'm slightly bored with it, maybe Dean and Stephen hung out for a bit??

This is also the first film I've seen Thomas Jane in since The Punisher, there's probably a reason for that.

I don't know how this compares to King's story, but it's pretty well contained, despite having a number of people, it stays pretty small and close, playing on paranoia and hysteria to reasonable effect, overall it's slow though, plodding and the ultimate pay off wasn't as emotional as I think it should've been.


The Mist - 6/10

Resident Evil: Extinction

The third in the series of films, adapted from the Capcom game. The first was entertaining enough, the second was a bit shit, and this one is probably up to the standard of the first one again (not exactly a high bar).

3's basically Resident Evil + Mad Max 2 + Day of the Dead and not much else. So what has it got going for it?...

1. Milla Jovovich!!!!
2. Directed by Russell Mulcahy (not great true, but he did direct Highlander!!)
3. Milla Jovovich kicking ass!!!!
4. A fair bit of gore

What I'd really like to see is Milla leading in a GOOD film!

Resident Evil: Extinction - 5/10

Hitman

As far as game adaps go, this isn't actually that bad. Of course they could've made more of it, but there's some signs of promise there.

Timothy Olyphant is pretty good as Agent 47, everybody else is pretty much inconsequential and as far as plot goes, well.. it's as to be expected.

At the end of the day it's better than both Doom and Silent Hill put together!


Hitman - 6/10

The Messengers

Another film to demonstrate how originality in the horror genre is in short supply.

Family forced to move - check
Dysfuntional? - check
creepy new house - check
etc.

Didn't I watch this film the other day??

Basically The Messengers was pretty dull, there's a couple of goosebump inducing moments, but no real scares and the whole thing doesn't really make a huge amount of sense.

The Messengers - 5/10

Fantastic Four

I previously posted about the sequel to this, so now, a tad back to front, a short piece on the 2005, Tim Story directed re-boot (is it?) of Marvel's Fantastic Four!!!!!

Now Batman Begins this ain't!! But then it's a shitload better than Man-Thing and overall reasonably entertaining. I'm not a huge fan of F4, I'm more of a Batman, Spiderman and Hellboy person myself, but as films go, it's ok.

It's a bog standard origin story, they all go to space, soak up some rads and come back a bit peaky.

The best thing about this film is Michael Chiklis as Ben "The Thing" Grimm, the worst thing is Jessica "Why in God's name do I keep topping FHM lists" Alba.

Also welcome Chris Evans, then go watch him in Sunshine.


Fantastic Four - 7/10

The Spiderwik Chronicles

Y'know Harry Potter's got a lot to answer for, namely the spate of fantasy filled family films. No not so much LOTR, cos that was that wasn't really for kids.

Spiderwick takes some pretty standard set-ups, broken family, new start in a new place in a new house, etc etc.

Then one of the boys finds a book, then all fantastical hell breaks loose, with goblins, trolls, ogres and stuff.

There's some pretty funny stuff in here and for once Seth Rogan didn't annoy the shit out of me.

It's a little slow in places, and cliche world, but it's entertaining enough.


The Spiderwick Chronicles - 7/10

Amelie (Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain)

It doesn't matter how many time I see this film, it will never be anything less than awesome.

One of several examples of why Jean-Pierre Jeunet is one of my favourite directors, Amelie is a heartwarming take of imagination and romance. It helps that the adorable Audry Tatou is in the lead role too!

I love pretty much everything about this film, the story, the characters, direction, cinematography, it's simply brilliant. You need spirits lifting, watch Amelie.


Amelie (Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain) - 10/10

Flight of the Navigator

They don't make 'em like this anymore. No really they don't!

The sort of kids adventure film that typified the 80's and my childhood, young kid, bit dissallusioned, spaceship (etc) adventure, all's good in the world.

The film's all about family, possibly not the best example, but at the same time, a great classic 80's movie, with possibly Alan Silvestri's worst ever score!

You are... the navigator!

Flight of the Navigator - 7/10

Black Sheep

New Zealand does chuck out some crackers. Black Sheep is very much in the same vein as early Peter Jackson, silly, gory comedy horror and it's brilliant fun.

It's a tad slow in the middle and to be honest a little anti-climactic, but overall it's an entertaining romp, silly humour and a good way to spend an evening in front of the telly.

Well worth watching and I'll certainly be purchasing of a copy.


Black Sheep - 7/10

AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem

Has it really come to this?? Why do studio's STILL not understand or simply not care about making a good franchise film? Something as high profile as the Alien & Predator films and they give it to a couple of FX guys.


Ridely Scott
James Cameron
David Fincher
Jean-Pierre Jeunet
John McTiernen

then

Stephen Hopkins (I like P2 btw)
Paul W.S. Anderson (lame attempt but better than this)
The Brothers Strauss (fucknuts)

There are a couple of good ideas in AVPR, tracking stuff and beacons of sorts, but overall the film is shite, just plain shite, it's soooo dark in places, there's clearly cock all budget for actors or everyone else who looked at the script said "You've gotta be kidding right?"

It seem like they've tried to 'homage' all the other films, they fail in this but succeed in ripping them off.

The main character is called "Dallas" for fuck's sake, there's lines from the other films, there's an armoured car escape sequence, there's other bits, but my head hurts.

It's over the top, badly choreographed and the predailien is rubbish.


AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem - 3/10

Bug

"From the director of The Exorcist" blah blah. Bug is kinda marketed as a horror, it's not. It says "Thriller" on the back, not really.

"Comedy" that would be more apt. It's quite an interesting concept, all about paranoia and stuff and the acting gets pretty full on crazy, but in the end it's laughable. The 'quotes' on the case exclaim how "gripping", "tense" and "claustrophobic" it is, rather than how "stupid", "laugh out loud funny" and "best comedy of the hear so far" it actually is.

Well maybe not "best" as at the end of the day, it's a shit film. And not Shit Good either.


Bug - 3/10

Black Christmas (2006)

Another remake, another slasher film, another pile of shite.

This one does have a few funny moments tho and they're clearly aiming to be funny, but overall the film is just shite, to be fair we even got a tad distracted during the middle, so watched the beginning and the end and pretty much knew all we needed to know about what was going on.

I don't feel I need to go back and watch the rest.

Black Christmas (2006) - 3/10

Pulse

Pulse is rubbish. I don't know what the Japanese original's like, but the remake, as to be expected, is rubbish.

Evil wi-fi, um.. ok..

There's a few creepy bits and it does have Kristen Bell in it (although her performance in Heroes was much better), but in general it boring as hell, like really really boring.


Pulse - 2/10

Cloverfield

FUCKING AWESOME!!! And to be honest I'm surprised it's only got a 7.9 on imdb.

It's a monster movie, set in Manhatten, everything's shown from the persepctive of the "Average Joe" who's caught up in the middle of it all.

Utilising the 'camcorder generation' stylings, where the whole film is supposed to be POV from whichever character's filming at the time, it works brilliantly, draws you right into the action (distrurbingly so at one point) and keeps you there.

I'm not gonna go into details but needless to say by the time the credits rolled, and the lights went up, it seemed like everyone in the cinema had been left numb from the assault.

Sure there's a couple of cliches in there, but Cloverfield is an original, interesting and fucking intense take on the monster movie. This and The Host reign supreme at the mo.

FUCKING AWSEOME!!!


Cloverfield - 10/10

Arachnia

BAAAAAADDDDD! ZoneHorror does it again, with another brilliant piece of "horror cinema"

It's good to watch a low budget poorly made horror film once in a while, but this really is shite, couple of funny bits (there's supposed to be more), some nudity and some really really bad stop motion.

Arachnia - 2/10

Night at the Museum

Quite surprisingly, this was pretty good. Even Ricky Gervais was reasonably funny.

Premise is that because of a certain artifact, everything in the Museum of Natural History comes to life at night.

Cue Ben Stiller as the cliched divorced dad who needs some stability in his life (yes it's Liar Liar in a museum), cue three old duffers (Mickey Rooney, Dick Van Dyke and Bill Cobb) as the old guards. Cue various cameo related shenanigans.

It's bog standard family movie stuff, but it's pretty entertaining.


Night at the Museum - 7/10

An Inconvenient Truth

I can see why people have been seduced by this. Mr Gore certainly puts across a compelling argument and is as good at keynotes as the great Mr Jobs.

A lot of people think it's all stuff and nonsense, fair enough, I'm no scientist, but I admire Al Gore for trying to get this message across, how much good it'll do is a different matter though.

As far as this being a good film, well it's not a film really, it's a Keynote Presentation, a reasonably engaging and entertaining one, but a presentation nonetheless.


An Inconvenient Truth - 6/10

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Will Ferrell back to his old tricks as a simple shouty man. What happened to the Will Ferrell of Stranger Than Fiction eh?? Where is he?? Please Will come back!

Saying that, this ain't that bad, it's funny enough in places, Gary Cole is brilliant, and there were enough moments throughout to keep me watching until the end. Plus there's some pretty cool NASCAR stuff in there.

Sacha Baron Cohen, is fucking terrible, one of the most annoying performances I've seen, and as with other films from this camp, it's the supporting cast that keep the thing going.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - 6/10

Dead Silence

"From the makers of Saw...."

Well Saw's (and sequels) pretty mediocre, interesting concept but there's better films.

This is more standard horror fare, although sticking with the now near fetishistic (on the part of Wan and Whannell) subject of ventriloquist's dummies. There's a nursery rhyme (thank you Elm Street), and a creepy old lady. I can't remember who the lead guy is and I can't be arsed to check, he's not that great, Donnie Wahlberg is pretty good as usual, and the supporting cast, support.

The plot's pretty sketchy, as I say, it's standard horror fare. There's a couple of reasonably clever bits, the whole "You scream, You die" thing is a great idea, but again, executed in a half-hearted fashion, Including the 'explanation bit', which it doesn't need and clearly would've been better without. NB: Not all members of the audience are idiots.

I pretty much figured the twist (although itself is a bit weak), although was thrown off for a bit, it was confirmed at a certain point and then the rest of the film is pretty much rendered useless.

Dead Silence - 6/10

Enemy Of The State

Everyone and his mum is in this film, Will Smith, Jason Lee, Jake Busey, Lisa Bonet, Barry Pepper, Seth Green, Jack Black... it's like they gathered together all the 'new talent' at the time and threw them at Tony Scott.

EOTS is a pretty good, conspiracy thriller, all NSA and spy shit, with Mr. Smith caught up in the middle.

It's a bit far fetched in places (NB: rotating a 2d cctv video image.. uhuh), but it's an entertaining run about, and surprisingly relevant!!

Enemy Of The State - 7/10

Waxwork II: Lost in Time

It gets worse!! Waxwork II is terrible, really really bad, but yet again, in a knowing, self mocking, cheesy way... It's basically a 1980's (well 1992) Scary Movie... not sure which is better to be fair.

Actually, I do know. Waxwork II has Bruce Campbell in it. He pretty much saves the film.

WII:LiT, carries directly on from where the first one left off, although there's been some bizarre accident and now the girl is played by a different actress, who looks much like Daryl Hannah, but clearly isn't.

Billy, sorry Mike must clear Sarah's name and ends up battling the various forces of evil. That's pretty much all you need to know, plus whereas the first film went for the classic horror monsters (frankenstein, wolfman etc), numero duo goes after Alien for instance, and then a load of other random stuff.

Oh and then there's the rap song over the end credits. Priceless!

Waxwork II: Lost in Time - 5/10

Waxwork

This was AFTER Gremlins!?!? WTF?!

It's terrible, really bad, but it's also really bad in a good way, it's cheesy, camp, fun, ridiculous and tomorrow night I'll watch Waxwork II - Lost In Time.

Basically there's this house, it's got a waxwork exhibition in it of various notorious killers and monsters, each one needs a victim which is where the kids come in.

It's a TV movie through and through, but watchable enough.

Waxwork - 5/10

Disturbia

I like Shia LaBeouf, he's a entertaining actor, although he pretty much does play himself in everything, I'm sure he'll go the way of Hanks and reach a point where he plays someone dying of Aids and all of a sudden turns his back on comedy and becomes a "proper" actor, until that day comes I'll enjoy his films in the same fashion as early Tom Hanks films.

Disturbia... The 'burbs

Ok, not quite but that's about as made as my point's gonna be.

Anyway, Disturbia, basically Rear Window for the Internet generation, it's an okay film, entertaining enough, David Morse is pretty creepy, although could've gone further, Aaron Yoo is very funny and it ticks along reasonably well.

My main issue with it is that it's cliche after cliche after cliche, relentless, people at windows or behind doors, thunderclaps, I mean c'mon!!

It was entertaining enough, but at no point could I take it at all seriously.

Disturbia - 6/10

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter, practically inescapable, much like Big Brother, well until they moved it E4 and as such I've heard bugger all about this series... bad thing?? ;)

Anyway, with the inclusion of this one I'm up to date on all the HP films, and this one's pretty good. A little bit more grown up now, the gang are dealing with a little more grown up things, basically stuff's getting very angsty and HP's getting a filled with anger and frustration and teenage stuff.

Thankfully Ron's there to keep it real and show Mr Radcliffe how to actually progress as an actor and the whole chemistry thing between Ron and Hermione is ticking along just nicely since the last one making for some nice moments.

Saying Rupert Grint appears to have progressed far more than Daniel Radcliffe as the years have gone on, I think is fair comment, but some of the darker stuff DR does is still pretty good, despite the rest of his performance feeling more than a little forced.

The wizardy stuff in this (I mean the fighty bits) is also pretty good, one particular scene is pretty much what Gandalf vs Saruman should have been like, rather than the lame spin me right round bollocks that it was.

I haven't read any of the HP books, I don't really want to, so as regards the HP purists out there...whatever, the films haven't been half bad, bring on the other 2. And considering they're pretty much this generation's BTTF/Indy/Star Wars etc, don't knock em too much ;)

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - 8/10

3:10 to Yuma (2007)

Westerns are back, gritty, "real" and all that. 3:10's a remake and throws a little bit of the adventure back in to the mix.

Bale plays a downtrodden, disabled rancher to Crowe's charming outlaw. Bale has kid issues, well he has all sorts of issues and he aims to sort them out by helping escort Crowe to the train of the title.

It's not bad, but a few times i drifted from the screen, and I wasn't left feeling much by the end except the need to go and get a drink.

The highlight (apart from Alan Tudyk) is Ben Foster as Charlie Prince, awesome performance.

Bring on The Dark Knight ;)

3:10 to Yuma (2007) - 7/10

The Bourne Ultimatum

Practically non-stop fucking action, running, smashing, fighting, chasing... the kinetic energy of this film is ridiculous.

However sometimes, you do want the camera to stay a little more stable for a couple of mintes so you can at least get your bearings!

Although even with the release of Casino Royale, Bourne still kicks Bond's arse, obviously we'll have to wait and see what they do with the new (more introspective) Bond that's recently gone into principal photogrpahy, but at the end of the day, i could actually feel the adrenaline pumping through me while watching this, and a number of times I loudly exclaimed on certain stunts and set pieces.

An awesome film, bit of a rushed ending, could do with a little more plot glue, but at the end of the day, kicks ass.


The Bourne Ultimatum - 8/10

Dead Man's Shoes

I've heard many people rave about this one, "best film evar!" and all that, well I picked it up in CEX and had a watch.

Paddy Considine is creepy as fuck as the film's resident mental, it has a reasonable but not overly original twist, the characters are pretty funny as long as you can deal with the Midlands accents and the "natural" dialogue.

The revenge thriller's been done before and will be done again, this is one of the better ones, low budget, simply yet well shot, pretty much a ronseal film.

The closest thing it brings to mind is Switchblade Romance, don't know why, probably the rural ness and the whole low budget film, 'Shoes is a far better films tho.


Dead Man's Shoes - 8/10

I Am Legend

I've said it before, put Will Smith in a Sci-Fi movie and it's a winner, although I Am Legend is more horror than sci-fi, basically combining vampires and zombies, or at least the visual stylings of them, the formula still works though.

Adapted from the book by Richard Matheson and taking some cues from 28 Days Later, which itself takes some cues from The Omega Man, which in turn is adapted from the story by Richard Matheson. Apart from the stuff showing the evacuation (which is the bridge stuff in the trailer), it's a pretty low key affair, most of the film focuses solely on Dr Robert Neville (Smith) and his dog Sam, showing his deteriorating mind set and near OCD focus. It gets a little more pacy towards the climax, but again, not really with any huge set pieces, there's explosions and shit, but we're no where near Michael Bay territory, which is a good thing in this case.

It's 101 mins, a good length, in fact it felt like it ended slightly early, which is a rare thing for films nowadays, it's mostly a meandering pace, but doesn't feel slow, basically there was room for a bit more.

Any niggles, yeah a couple, one I argued with (well, discussed) my girlfriend, as she hadn't picked up on it, maybe I'm just reading it differently, I won't go into details here, but it seemed Neville was missing quite a major thing about the Night Stalkers, which I guess was maybe touched on but..

Although this is Will Smith, it's a serious Will Smith, there's a couple of his trademark cheeky chappy moments that try to squeeze through, but don't be expecting Fresh Prince vs The Vampires (note to Warner...)

In the meantime I need to find The Omega Man and The Last Man on Earth.


I Am Legend - 8/10

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

A breath of fresh air, blowing away the musty stench of Knocked Up, the Smiths breeze in and kick ass in this slightly slow in places, but ultimately entertaining romp. (shit word, but apt)

The chemistry between our two protagonists clearly shows why they ended up getting together of screen, Vince Vaughn is not completely irritating, and one scene is pretty funny, some of the stunts are awesome (see: car chase) and all in all it's a bloody entertaining film.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith - 7/10 (almost 8)

Knocked Up

• YAWN!
• BOOOOOORRRRRRIIIINNNNGGG!!!
• Can someone PLEASE tell Seth Rogan to STFU!!
• Annoying snorty laugh
• Just not funny
• Far too long
• boring 'dramatic' scenes
• who gives a shit about any of the characters in this abortion of a film (topical pun)
• make it stop!

Wanna know why it got 3/10?? Jonah's line about pube shaving, but I'd suggest just go through the Memorable Quotes on imdb rather than watch this shit awful film.

Changed my mind...

Knocked Up - 2/10

1408

1408, yet another film based on a Steven King story, starts off pretty well, a little slow, but pretty low key, introduces Mike Enslin (John Cusack), our main character, well. Mike's a writer (really Steve? Wouldn't have expected that!!), one that's not doing too hot, events have turned him from "serious" writer to a guy who writes books about various haunted places, in this instance hotels.

And so leads us to room 1408 at the Dolphin hotel in New York and Mike, ever the skeptic, settles in for the night, despite the warnings from the motherfucking hotel manager, played by Sam L Jackson (see what I did there?!).

Still, going ok, a little slow, but we're getting to the meat now, shit starts going down and Mike begins to wig out.

Now it starts to flounder.

Mike seems to lose it a little too quickly, one minute he's just starting to get rattled, the next he's a gibbering wreck, but so far the 'scares' are still pretty low key, the whole thing is taking place in the hotel room and starting to give a nice sense of claustrophobia and creepyness. ("Hotels are a naturally creepy place")

Then the set pieces kick in and it all goes overboard, jumps about and by the end of the film I was left disappointed. 1408 is a film that pretends to know what makes an interesting horror film then descends into overacting and The Haunting territory, shite. And as for 'scares', well there's one near the end as the decent build up doesn't last long enough.

1408 - 5/10

The Departed

Marty finally one his Oscar for this his 42nd directed work and an adaptation from a Hong Kong masterpiece.

The Departed, is an absolute mess, it really only makes any vague sense to me because I've got all three Infernal Affairs films on DVD (and they're hard to follow!). The editing is all over the place, some scenes feel like they've been cut short and left with lines missing that would take them to their natural conclusion, other parts just plain suck.

The performances however are astounding, on all parts.. well except possibly Martin Sheen, but then his character's not as developed as it could be, and to be fair, the performances are the only thing that kept me watching.

The story, whilst still quite complex, has lost some of the subtleties and well... good aspects of it's Hong Kong predecessor, and has been made more of a traditional thriller... maybe cos we're all dumb? :/

Best Picture this ain't, several outstanding acting turns though.

The Departed - 6/10

Scream

Ahhh Wes Craven, one of the godfathers of horror, bringining us such 'classics' as Last House on The Left, A Nightmare On Elm Street and The Hills Have Eyes.

Ahhh Kevin Williamson, bringing us such classics as Dawson's Creek...um...

I'm not really a huge fan of Wes Craven, Elm St is ok but generally laughable, I preferred the remake of The Hills Have Eyes (ok flame me) and I think I'm just a few years too late to really enjoy his work.

Scream however is pretty much a masterpiece.

The opening sequence is AWESOME, in fact it is truly one of those sequences that you forget how good it is. The whole premise of the film is pretty solid, Kevin Williamson, must've just looked at all the horror stuff that had been released, realised how formulaic it had all become and then a light bulb lit up above his head.

Scream successfully plays both to and against the 'horror formula' in beautiful fashion and the ultimate twist was pretty damn good.

Scream 2 was ok, Scream 3 was a pile of steaming shite.

Scream - 9/10

Lady In The Water

The reviews for this when it came out, sucked.

Partly in fact because of the film critic character and his fate. I've kinda put off watching this because of those reviews, while, The Sixth Sense is a classic and Unbreakable is awesome, Signs was weak, and in my view The Village was a pile of shite.

So, while it looked intriguing, I really wasn't sure. Once again, Sky movies has come to the rescue (Scream's on after and I haven't seen that in ages!!).

Lady In The Water is basically a fairy tale, magical creatures, a heavy moral message, fantasy stuff, all set within an apartment complex. Our lead protagonist is Cleveland Heep, the complex manager/janitor.. supervisor (that's the one), played brilliantly by Paul Giamatti, and I mean BRILLIANTLY!

Bryce Dallas Howard is the Lady from the title, and all manner of other characters inhabit the complex. They're all pretty standard character cliches, but I think it serves it's purpose.

The film is pretty predictable, I could see which were going to be the key characters from the outset (although 1 caught me out, I'll let you worry about which), but it's an entertaining film none the less.

Not a masterpiece and not his best by any means, but well worth a look.

Lady In The Water - 7/10

xXx: The Next Level

Or xXx: State of the Union (etc etc), what is it with these films with all the different titles??? What's the reasoning, is there some small British arthouse film called xXx: State of the Union? I doubt that somehow.

Anyway... xXx2, no Vin Diesel, welcome on board Ice Cube, still got Sam Jackson, still got the lame 'Q' character.

Lots of explosions, lots of 'Boyz in da hood' type stuff contrasting the stuffy 'white suits'... ahhh stereotypes..

There's not a lot going on really, corrupt politicians, navy seals, Ice Cube, it's almost terrible but not quite, but it probably would have been better with Vin Diesel (and a better script).

xXx: who gives a shit - 4/10

Die Hard 4.0 (Live Free or Die Hard)

Die Hard is a classic, it re-defined the action genre at the time, it also redefined the action hero with Bruce Willis' John McClane bucking the trend of the invincible muscle men and introducing a certain humanity and fallibility to the action hero. (I hope fallibility is right)

Now a few sequels and many years down the line we have Die Hard 4.0 (which I think is the better of the two titles), more terrorism and more 'wrong place wrong time' (reasonably well referenced) and a new sidekick in the shape of Justin Long.

This time Timothy Olyphant is bringing America to it's knees by hacking all the major computer systems and getting rid of any loose ends along the way... this is where Bruce and Justin come in.

To try and keep the "Everyman" aspect the makers bring in McClane's daughter Lucy (the apparently hot new young thing Mary Elizabeth Winstead), which is actually quite a nice touch, but I think they go overboard with the exposition about "John the reluctant hero", which crops up in most of the Bruce-Justin scenes.

The film's a tad too long, Len Wiseman's directing (and subsequent editing) is at times erratic and unsure (how many angles to we need for one conversation???), but the action and stunts in this are blistering! Causing both myself and my girlfriend to exclaim when various henchmen get suitably and painfully wasted, and certain sequences left me dumbfounded from a technical POV...

...such as the ones with one particular henchman, the token free-runner.

After The Matrix, it was all about Bullet Time, now after District 13 and Casino Royale it's all about Parkour (Free-Running), and DH4.0 has some of the best I've seen, showcasing it with some of the best camera choreography I've seen as well. Watch it if just for these pieces!

So! Overall, bloody entertaining, not quite on the same level as the first (or 3rd) but not bad at all. Things may be starting to look up for Len?? (*may*)


Die Hard 4.0 - 7/10

Vacancy

Earlier this year (and I think at the end of last year) cam a whole load of horror films. Spurred on by Saw and Hostel, everyone started churning out gratuitously violent and gory 'horrors', Vacancy stands out as being one that came out around that time, but tries a little harder.

Luke Wilson (can't shake the comedy) and Kate Beckinsale (very annoying) area troubled couple on their way to..somewhere (can't remember) and in age old movie tradition, David (Luke) has taken a "short cut".

So now they're driving out in the middle of nowhere, they have some car trouble and the rest of the film you've seen before.

10/10 for effort, with all the 'Torture Porn' that's been released recently, at least Vacancy makes a stab at being a half decent horror, the problem is, it's Horror by numbers.

1. Cranky protagonists
2. Isolation
3. Dodgy petrol/gas station & motel
4. Quirky and suspicious gas station/motel owners
etc etc

It's just too predicatable, one bit I had to really hold myself back from shouting out what was gonna happen next (only because my girlfriend clearly didn't see it coming!), Beckinsale is pretty damn irritating, more so when she's not supposed to be and the audience is supposed to warm to her (come back Underworld all is forgiven) but Luke injects some well needed light relief with their troubled-couple banter.

Vacancy does forgo some of the horror identikit, however it probably could've benefited from one particular zombie film's key moment.

Also the direction/editing could do with a bit of work in places, think Wolf Creek/28 Days Later "Look they're alone" crimes and lingering a little too long when we really could move on cos WE'VE GOT THE POINT NOW! an abrupt ending doesn't help it either. Chances are this is better than a lot of what came out at the time though.


Vacancy - 5/10

Zodiac

It's been bloody ages since I've had the chance to sit down and watch a film, like properly watch one, rather than just catching a bit of one on Zone Horror or something ;)

Anyways, Zodiac, the latest offering from one of my favourite directors David Fincher.

It's a long old film, clocking in at around a week and 3.5 days, it meanders along at a steady and meaningful pace. Beautifully so.

Despite it's length there's so many things about Zodiac that i just love, and those things keep me wanting more from Fincher.

Unfortunately it's rather late and I'm pretty tired, so I'll probably come back and edit this one, but I just wanted to get something posted since I've been so busy of late.

Set aside an evening and hire out Zodiac, that's all I can say right now. That and Mark Ruffalo practically IS Vincent D'Onofrio!

[edit]

Ok back for a little more...

Zodiac is NOT a serial killer movie, it's a story about obsession, it shows the ensemble protagonists becoming more and more embroiled and obsessed with the Zodiac and the killings, each one searching for the answer(s), each to the detriment of their own lives.

It's a brilliant film, possibly one that you have to be in the mood for, not in a Visitor Q way, but more being prepared to go the long haul.

Zodiac - 9/10

Minority Report

Another re-watch. Probably one of the better Philip K. Dick adaps that's been done and one of Cruise's better films.

Dealing with the Department of Pre-Crime, which is based around 3 pre-cogs who predict murders, the system is supposedly perfect (yeah right!)

So, clearly things go awry and The Teeth is caught in the middle of it and has to sort things out, not much else to say, Colin Farrell is quite good, in fact overall it's just a good, easy going sci-fi thriller.

Minority Report - 8/10

Snakes On A Plane

It's terrible, really really bad, but there are some funny bits.

I think everybody knows by now that it's about Sam Jackson having enough of these muthafuckin snakes on this muthafuckin plane, and pretty soon after it came out everybody had enough of the hype and realised it was shite.

The pilot is funny, one bit made me jump, some of the bites are pretty gruesome.

Personally I recommend Eight Legged Freaks.

Snakes On A Plane - 5/10

Unleashed

An uninspiring advertising campaign and the teaming of  Jet Li and Bob Hoskins encouraged me to avoid this one for quite some time, however...

Just watched it on Sky and it's actually not bad. I mean I'm not really a Jet Li fan, I'm more of a Jackie Chan guy and more recently Tony Jaa (who kicks fucking ass), but the fact that the opening credits told me that it's written by Luc Besson was a surprise and intrigued me.

Well... it's pretty good, Li plays essentially a simpleton, who's only purpose in life is to beat the shit out of people for Bob Hoskins (imagine!), it's called "Danny The Dog" in other territories so you get the idea, anyway there's the usual, awakenings and stuff to give it some sort of purpose higher than that of a JCVD movie, and Besson's writing has a bit of a 5th element feel towards the climax, and was and enjoyable watch. Oh an Morgan Freeman plays a blind guy, need I say more?

Unleashed - 7/10

Sunshine

Danny Boyle's a bit hit and miss as far as I'm concerned;

Shallow Grave - Hit

Trainspotting - Hit

A Life Less Ordinary - Surface damage

The Beach - Miss apparently

28 Days Later - Miss

Millions - Um...

and now Sunshine...

It's basically Alien, but of all the films that have tried to emulate Alien over the years this is probably the best I've seen so far.

It's 2057 and there's a problem with the sun, some sort of quantum thing has buggered it and it's not chucking out as much energy, thus the Earth is stuck in a "Solar Winter" (as opposed to...), so the Icarus 2 is sent to the sun with a crew of 8 and a fission bomb with the mass of Manhattan to restart the Sun. (So we've got a little bit of The Core in there too) and Icarus you'll remember from Greek mythology died because he got too close to the sun.

It's an ensemble piece, and although billed alphabetically I think everyone knows Cillian Murphy is the lead, he plays Capa the ship's physicist, the guy in charge of the bomb. Other crew members include Mace the engineer, played by Chris Evans, which I think was surprising to pretty much everyone and to be fair, he's very good in it, the rest of the multi-national/racial crew (none of this cold war or US only stuff!) are very well played.

En route to the Sun they come across the distress signal (Alien) of the Icarus 1 that disappeared seven years ago (Event Horizon), now they must weigh up the choice between continuing on their current mission or investigating the Icarus 1...cue everything going wrong.

Sunshine clearly doesn't do anything overly original, in all the press stuff I saw for it one of Danny's main points was that nobody's been to the Sun before, yes and no if I may point out Star Trek IV: They Voyage Home and it's inspiring TOS episode, they didn't land on it no, but it's close enough, however what it does do, it does pretty well, there's tension, good character conflict, and it's pretty realistic from a technical point of view (they had to take some dramatic liberties such as artificial gravity for instance). It's a bit slow in it's mid section at times, but overall it's a good film.

Ridley Scott recently stated (for the Blade Runner re-re-re-re-re-release I think) that Sci-Fi is dead, nobody can do anything original with sci-fi. And without getting into a big rant about the overall originality of cinema, he's right to a degree, but what Sunshine does is take proven sci-fi elements and works them, well.

Sunshine - 8/10

Inside I'm Dancing

A comedy drama about two disabled guys, first thought could be funny for the wrong reasons, then you watch it and, yet again a British film surprises everyone in being actually quite good, touching, funny, both James McAvoy and Steven Robertson are brilliant and although it's not entirely the sort of film I'd watch on a regular basis it's still a good watch.

Why is it that most really good British films are the ones that the average audience won't actually pick up to watch??

Inside I'm Dancing - 8/10

The Mullet Uncut

Um....

Um....

Um....

It's not on IMDb, go watch something on YouTube instead

The Mullet Uncut - 0/10